Why I’m Rooting For Rick Santorum

Posted: 01/10/2012 in Politics
Tags: , , , , ,

Rick Santorum

I’m rooting for Rick Santorum to win the Republican Primary.

Before you start throwing large, pointy, or otherwise likely to be painful objects at head, let me explain. I am a liberal. So the obvious reason why I would support Santorum is that he would likely lead to an Obama landslide. It’s true that this would be one benefit of a Santorum victory it is not the reason I wan Santorum to win. Nor is it that I harbor a secret lifelong appreciation of the sweater vest that outranks my sanity and morality (personally, I’ve never understood why sweater vests exist or what their purpose is).

The truth is I have two very strong reasons I want to see an Obama-Santorum match-up. 

The first reason is that it would force the Republican Party to actually own up to the policies they have been promoting for years. Republicans, especially the past two years, have been promoting and an extremely radical and radically extreme agenda. Then when having to put forward a platform nationally like to put on a smiling, inoffensive face, claim to represent the middle class, and explain they don’t really believe the hokum that they spend every other day of their lives spouting.

This is because their ideas are not just wrong, but extreme and unpopular. They know they can’t win if they put forward someone as crazy and the ideas they represent. Christine O’Donnell went down in flames.

Putting forward a candidate that doesn’t scare the American people allows them to win elections and try and push forward with insane policies. It also allows them to blame all gridlock on the fact that both parties are extreme and all we really need are moderates. Oh look, we have moderates! Never mind that a moderate in today’s GOP is to the right of Reagan and even Bush-Cheney.

Mitt Romney looks like a moderate. He may go around on the campaign trail all day promoting a regressive tax plan, saber rattling about Iran (and even more inexplicable China), and claiming that President Obama is a terrorist, but he looks like a moderate. He’s too bland to be an extremist, he was the governor of taxachussettes, and he’s culturally northeastern. That last point may matter most since everyone’s image of a firebrand republican is southern.

Rick Perry scares the shit out of people. Sure part of it has been his inability to speak publicly, his fierce and strident love of executions, and his seeming incompetence, but mostly it’s because the only difference between him and Yosemite Sam is the color of their hair.

Romney doesn’t scare anyone. He’s far too bland. I know I’m not the first to make this comparison, but he’s basically Country Club Ken. And he’s too Daddish to be Kevin Bacon in Animal House (or the villain in any college comedy ever). Because he’s northeastern culturally no one really believes he hates gay people or will try to outlaw abortions. No one believes that he believes the extreme position that are the basic platform of his party.

Rick Santorum? He reeeeeeeeeally fucking hates gay people. He really really does. Which is why he’s the right person to represent a party that is still trying to fight for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, boos gay soldiers currently at war, and has deep ties to the Ugandan death penalty for homosexuals bill.

It is long past time for the GOP to own up to the crazy fire they’ve been stoking for years. No more hiding behind Cresty white smiles, perfect hair, and a nonthreatening demeanor. And Santorum fits the bill. He is a crazy arsonist extraordinaire. Except he doesn’t just light the fires he is a flaming pile of crazy himself. He actually believes this shit.

He is opposed to birth control, believes in a return to the overwhelmingly discredited (outside the Bush Administration retirement home known as the WaPo Op-Ed section) Neo-Con foreign policy, well he might be crazier than your typical neo-con on foreign policy, wants to balloon the deficit, and all that is just the tip of the iceberg.

Oh, and he supports banning a medical procedure that saved his own wife’s life. He loves fetuses so much, that he thinks his wife should be dead or in prison. Look, I actually get the anti-choice position. If you truly believe abortion to be murder of course you’d want it outlawed. Of course, that’s an unconstitutional and unrealistic way to stop abortion, but I get it. It’s another thing entirely to take it to such an extreme, you’d risk death to your own wife.

The point is, Americans don’t pay much attention to politics. They have lives to lead. The whole point of representative government is that people don’t have to pay attention to the day-to-day happenings of the government. People do pay attention to Presidential elections. It’s about time to have the real debate on the GOP’s positions. The ones they put forward everyday and then suddenly don’t care about when running for president.

The second reason I’m rooting for Santorum to win the Republican primary is that his landslide loss might pull the Republican Party back into reality.

This may be hard to believe, but I don’t hate the Republican Party. There are plenty of wonderful and smart people who belong to that party. I also believe a strong opposition is a good thing. What I do hate is everything to come out of the Republican Party on the national level since about the time Lincoln Chafee lost his seat (but I’d be remiss if I didn’t nod to the horrors of the Bush-Cheney disaster).

They are so extreme and so partisan and so far outside the mainstream of American life that it is hard to believe they exist on the same dimensional plane as the rest of us. They look at an extremely moderate, inspiring, intelligent, willing to compromise, devoted father and husband and see a socialist terrorist muslim atheist who is degrading the moral fiber of America and has set out to destroy America. Without even discussing anything further about their inability to see basic tenets of reality (and there’s a lot to discuss), this is enough to prove that they don’t give a second thought to facts before taking their positions and that they care more for destroying the man in the White House than supporting their country. (Note: If you don’t think it is, please revisit the debt ceiling showdown to start your research, this article is long enough without an extra 3,000 words to prove this widely accepted point)

This has resulted in utter gridlock. Simple, everyday tasks of the government get held up and/or put before a partisan battle. Even something that is a no-brainer for any self-interested politician like giving Americans free money (see: payroll tax cut extension) has become something Republicans simply must take a stand on to prevent fascist NObama the terrible from enslaving all Americans with his “free money.”

This comes from the electoral collapse the GOP went through in 2006 and 2008. Instead of looking at failed and unpopular Bush policies as perhaps having something to do with the outcome, they decided the problem was that they had been too moderate. They responded by handing their party over to Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh and rewarded them the more they compared those despicable liberals trying to destroy America with Hitler and Mussolini.

This attitude made it toxic for republicans to work with Democrats, for doing so would mean that they betrayed America. Suddenly it didn’t matter how strong a politician’s conservative credentials, if they didn’t pass a Fox News litmus test on every single issue they were a RINO.

If Mitt Romney is the candidate and he loses by a landslide or even if he just loses (likely), the GOP will react by claiming that they lost again because they were too moderate. That the solution is to be more conservative. If Rick Santorum, a man so extremely conservative he lost his Pennsylvania Senate seat by 18 points, loses in a likely landslide to President Obama … Well, that’s kind of our only hope that the Republican Party will awaken to the fact that it’s 2012 and women, homosexuals, Muslims, Hispanics, and black people are all allowed to vote now. Only a candidate that extreme, losing so badly, can slap the Republican Party out of it’s stubborn refusal to accept modernity as a fact.

So, I’m rooting for Señor Frothy Ass Juice Rick Santorum. I’m not an idiot, I know he has no real chance of beating Romney, but he’s our greatest chance for truly revealing how despicable and vile the Republican Party has become and the best opportunity to reform it for the better.

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